MEMORY

2010-12-22T11:15:00.001-08:00

It just kinda feels right to be blogging right now because my computer just puter'd out (dead hard-drive) so I have to fuckin' use the pieceacrap "old family computer" which, in my family, is code for "the one with windows 2000" IMAGINE but anyway (I'm kinda exaggerating but I have to use Windows Media Player (ugh)).
And it's the holidays so I literally have nothing to do (it's the best), so I'll tell you about this argument Graham and I are having right now about Michael Cera or Ellen Page, which is complicated by the fact that Graham is a preggo bitch half the time, so he always airs on the side of the women (hence the circa-2006 Much Music VJ Leah Miller-like bangs (who would be Graham's Dallas Green?)) and he probably loved Juno because he thinks he relates to movies with hyphy "interesting, young people" dialogue (SOCIAL NETWORK) but i know the people he hangs out with and they are fuccin dum..
shit is kinda boring here but that's the point, i think. maybe i'll start writing bcuz i have lots of time to myself and this computer can't handle more than one task at the time (currently, downloading Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.
lots of awesome easter eggs in this:

hey, you made it this far

2010-12-21T11:56:00.001-08:00

dear first-year bun,
you were so correct about Graduation! holy shit, he does everything on this album. side b is a hit machine, and he is so much more in control of his flow than any rapper. it never really feels like he is the best rapper but then you get a few years and his vocals are always so self-confident but college-style-existential, in control, and reverent. it's really that he makes albums that are immediately familiar and how can i front that his album's themes progressed as mine did through university... like the hood harry potter. y'got Flashing Lights, which is the best prelude to 808's and maybe his most anthemic song... then the verses in Everything I Am, both chillin rite out, then he gets progressively harder for the Glory and Homecoming (against fuccin Chris Martin, so maybe thatt's why it sounds tough...) but you also have Big Brother which is a pretty cool call back to Last Call (Kanye kicks ass when he's kickin anecdotes)...
hey, while i'm here, try to calm down about 808's, it's actually pretty good, just stop bein a pussy and demanding "less singing."
love
yrs, from the future,
bun

2010-04-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

things tend to vacate sooner than they break

R.I.P MEMORY

2010-03-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

i guess the future caught up to the words...

darling, youuuu send me

2010-02-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

So everyone in my house is watching UFC, and I'm a couple-beers-drunk and I don't really like UFC. Graham called me out recently on not blogging, and that's bullshit because I blog when I want, but really being called out usually prods me in to updating this shit (which I'm starting to find embarrassing on a mass level, but really fun on a personal level).

Anyway, as I said, I don't really like the UFC. Apparently some people call it "gay" which I'm not entirely sure about, and though I can see their point (i guess), at the same time I feel it unnecssary to assign media and sports a gender preference, as that's almost always a waste of time.

But I've been genuinely busy lately! I'm still doing that column for the Aquinian, and I'm also doing a thing with Chrapgood for the Brunswickan, where we review a record from the stacks at Backstreet recommended specifically by Eric. I'll probably post it on distortdistort when it's published.

And I also have this poetry workshop class where I have to write a poem every week, and I'm putting those on stillword pretty regularly (or will try to). I listen exclusively to Sam Cooke when I write now, and I think that's the best thing that could happen to my writing.

Umm, I'm reading Norman Mailer's An American Dream, Delilo's White Noise, and Michael Azzarad's Our Band Could Be Your Life, and they're all really, really good.

(I realize now that I genuinely had nothing on my mind but spite for Graham calling me out on not blogging, but fuck it, I blog when I want.)

christmas jams

2009-12-24T17:48:00.000-08:00

I'm having a pretty alright Christmas eve so far. Made a lil D-24 Mixtape I thought I would share. It's mostly just what I peeped today, minus the guitar-y-er stuff.

I guess the established tracklisting, which I, ahem, forgot to include, would be something like...
1. Laura Gibson - This Is Not the End
Such an excellent intro tune. It's quiet and wintry and pretty.
2. David R. Elliott - Blue Snowflakes Start Falling
My fav. d.r.elliott track, it's got the Nebraska feel, and some of his best lyrics and phrasing.
3. Jeff Tweedy - California Stars
Probably not the best version of this song, but I don't have Mermaid Avenue on my hard drive.
4. Neon Indian - Should Have Taken Acid With You
It's kinda stupid, but fun. And when I'm stuck in my parent's basement I can relate.
5. Smith Westerns - Imagine, Pt. 3
I suppose this and track 4 account for the GorillaVs.Bear section of the playlist.
6. The Smiths - This Charming Man
I know you've heard it fifteen hundred times, but it's always nice to remember how perfect it is.
7. My Morning Jacket - Honest Man
Ohmigod, this song is rock n roll. Total jam. At Dawn, right?
8. Royal City - Dank Is the Air of Death and Loathing
I can't remember if I've already written here about Royal City, but I don't really feel like it right now, so...
9. The Radio Dept. - Every Time
This band drowns all their songs in synths but the best part is the tasteful guitar sprinkled on top.
10. Bowerbirds - Northern Lights
Nice lil acoustic ditty, "can't expect a southern girl to know the northern lights," am I rite?
11. Neko Case - Twist the Knife
Neko at her twangiest, but also most captivating. This is from 2000's Furnace Room Lullaby with her old band the Boyfriends.
12. Tim Hardin - Black Sheep Boy
1967 country song which goes on to inspire the Okkervil River record of the same name. The hiss and twang is endearing, and a nice close.

This is it.

Anyway, my family is home so I'm going to go hang. I'll see you later, internet.

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS

2009-12-24T13:49:00.000-08:00

This year I plan to indulge in Classic Christmas pleasures, such as:

and Charlie Brown Christmas

and hopefully I won't have to go to church because my Mom feels 'awkward' sitting next to me there.

this one is about jersey shore

2009-12-15T07:36:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've almost finished the semester. Done exams, but I've got some assignments to do. I'm not really interested in writing a whole big thing here so I'll make it quick. But FUCK YOU because MTV is now refusing to air Snooki gettin' punched on Jersey Shore because THE INTERNET COMPLAINED, and maybe it's the right decision, but saying that it shouldn't get aired because the clip was "taken out of context" is ridiculous, because the only way they could possibly give context would be to air it, so... shut up and show us why Snooki got so punched in the face already!

2009-11-30T20:42:00.000-08:00

What up!

I've been thinking a lot about writing lately, but achieving nothing. Dinger! But blogmuse hit me on the way home from bradallen's tonight. School's piling up, and I just took a day off today, which was a really stupid idea in retrospect, but I'm feeling pretty content.

I went to Saint John this weekend and got to hang out with Cam, Matt, Maddy, JJ and em-sem, and drove around a lot by myself. Rocked Ashtray's mixtape (definitely a few jams on this), and went to Mcdonalds both nights (which I'm not bragging about).

Picked up In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, Blood on the Tracks and Greetings from Asbury Park, NJ records at Backstreet this weekend. Kind of struck by the vinyl-bug because I picked up the York Redoubt record last week, so I went in on an order this evening for Guitar Romantic by The Exploding Hearts, Left & Leaving, The Lionness by Songs: Ohia and Royal City's s/t. So I'm pumped!

For my creative writing class I have to prepare a portfolio, so I've been thinking about prose 'n poetry, but not actively doing it. But it's on the way, obviously, as is christmas break! I just finished the Wire, and I've been watching Mad Men, Curb Your Enthusiasm, (re-watching) 30 Rock, and keeping up on Californication, because, well, it's been alright this season.

Oh, and I've been working on my ~*~Albums of the Decade~*~ list (or whatever), and I'm getting pretty involved in it. Listening to lots of Neko Case and Songs: Ohia, and they're kind of shooting up the charts. I'm re-discovering how much I love Separation Sunday and A Ghost Is Born, which is pleasant. Oh, and I'd be remiss to forget Mclusky's Do Dallas, because it's a fuckin' jam, so... reppin'.

so, 'chill wave'

2009-11-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

Chill-wave is (apparently) the official name for that annoying lo-fi 'movement' everyone* kept pretending was a big deal this summer. Recognizing the indie community (is this a contradiction?)'s obsession with having a 'next big thing' / something to lord over their unhip friends, this shouldn't really be a surprise. But... come on. Not every trend is important. In fact, most of them aren't.

I'm not even pissed about this, but sometimes I feel like I should be. I mean, I'm okay with this Neon Indian record, but at points it seems like a joke. There's a song called "Should have taken acid with you," and it just plays like the embarassing thing our kids are going to make fun of us for reppin'. This is our disco! But not really disco, because disco had a legitimate and substantial mainstream fanbase. (And was legitimately awesome.)

Anyway, fuck it. I do like some chill-wave bands. As with any genre, it's possible to do it well. It's just that half of the bands on Stereogum (though more specifically GorillaVs.Bear) all sound the same and have uselessly vague monikers like Holiday Shores, or Broken Beach, or Pearl Harbor, or Holy Poets.** And since they're all just trying to sound like ambient cassette fuzz it's just not worth listening to more than... four bands.*** Yeah, that sounds right. You can decide which four are for you, though.

*I suppose I should clarify that by 'everyone' I mean people who get pissy about things like this. So... no one I know, but the internet, specifically.
**I made up two of those names, guess which.
***Real Estate don't count because they always get unfairly lumped in to this bullshit despite writing legitimately listenable pop songs just mixed quieter. It never made sense to me either.

a gift!

2009-10-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Katie gave me Pet Sounds on vinyl as an (early) birthday present! Gatdamn.

lil wayne - no ceilings

2009-10-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

So a new Wayne mixtape is dropping on Halloween, but an early leak provides 17 of 25 tracks. Features freestyles over "Run this Town" and "D.O.A." but I'm still waiting for my copy to download. You can find it here, though it's not my link.

Also, Wayne's going to jail in February, and that sucks. Juelz is pissed, and I like what he's saying.

"Even as rappers, we out here on defense. We ain’t out here hurting nobody. We go to shows picking up 50, 60, probably hundreds of thousands of dollars in his case. Cash money. You pull the bus over, what you expect? A million dollars in jewelry with bags full of money, and have nothing [to protect it]?"

Word up, Juelz.

Windy City

2009-10-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

Comin' straight from the 'Fax!

So things here are awesome. The first night of the Pop Explosion was so good. As soon as we arrived at the Rowdy Buck Saloon Dan gave Liam and Ian free Julie Doiron tickets, so we went down and caught a really great set. She started with a new song that was really great, and played a set that was pretty similar to the Sappy show, except it was just her and Fred Squires on drums and in a church. The venue was great because she was just walking around the stage and her banter was even audible when she wasn't standing by the mic. She's so adorable live, and she even asked for requests AND PLAYED MINE. I asked for 'Untitled' obvo, because it's my favorite Julie Doiron song, and it was so incredible. I have an audio recording of it, actually, that I'm probably going to listen to a lot of times.

Afterwards we came back to the Saloon and got drunk by ourselves then went to the Paragon for Cadence Weapon. When we arrived Think About Life were playing, and Cadence came out for their last song, 'Sweet Sixteen', which I had heard this summer because he 'tweeted' it as a 'summer jam'. Then he came on and man it was soooo good. Again, my friends and I were all up front and going crazy. He opened with a poem because, of course, he is Edmonton's poet laureate now, and then went straight in to 'In Search of the Youth Crew', then a new tune, then some crowd-surfing and there was lots of energy up front. His set was really good, he covered 'Summer Goth' by Wavves, and a Bad Religion song. He came back out for his encore and played 'Sharks', then 'We Move Away' and during the last chorus I went on-stage with Dan and Tuna and some other pals and we danced with him and shouted the chorus. It was so awesome but the bouncers kicked us off. Then his DJ started playing a remix of 'Heads Will Roll' and he invited us all on-stage with him and he told the bouncers to let us hang out and we had a dance party on stage with Cadence Weapon and it was incredible. He was scheduled to do a DJ set at the Rock Garden after, which we ended up leaving before he played, but Dan and Luke ran in to him and he ended up telling them he hadn't seen a crowd like that since the Fredericton show we'd all been rocking out at and that we even topped Edmonton crowds. So good.

Umm, today I did some interviews with Craig Mercer, who does booking for the Paragon and plays in the Jimmy Swift Band and Scientists of Sound, and Shane Nedeau, who writes the Halifax music blog Herohill. They both went really well, and I talked to Shane for half an hour after about music and music blogging and it was pretty neat. I also picked up my Wilco ticket for March, and I'm really psyched about that. Tonight I'm seeing the Acorn and Ohbijou, then Entire Cities and First Aid Kit and I'm pretty pumped. So far it's really great here, and I'm planning on bucking out for another few days.

eep! hpx!

2009-10-20T04:57:00.000-07:00

alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright

Halifax Pop is THIS WEEK. Umm, biggest disappointment so far is not being able to see Bruce Peninsula, whose schedule is terribly inconvenient. Halifax on Wednesday, but I'm not there till Thursday, then Fredericton on Friday, but I'm in Halifax till Sunday! Ugh!

Buuuuut, I think I have my schedule mostly sorted out. My pass is good for everything except MSTRKRFT, Girl Talk and Final Fantasy, but fuck MSTRKRFT anyway (sorry Tom), I have a Girl Talk ticket, and I'mma try and get in to Final Fantasy (w/ Symphony NS!!) but if I can't no biggie.

So I will endeavor to see: Julie Doiron, Herman Dune, Think About Life, Cadence Weapon, Final Fantasy, Dan Mangan, First Aid Kit, Entire Cities, Forest City Lovers, Pterodactyl, Timber Timbre, Rich Aucoin, Girl Talk, You Say Party! We Say Die!, Japandroids

Woo. St. Matthew's Church is holding three great shows, and I might end up there every night. If the Final Fantasy plan doesn't work out I'll probably hit up the Acorn / ohbijou there that evening, but there's still the possibility for schedule tweaking if I should arrive and Paul or Tuna or someone in the know is like 'that is a fool's errand!'

This song is killing me right now. It smacks me right in my pop-music-funny-bone (which is an expression I'm probably going to use more than you want me to).

(EMBEDDING DISABLED BY REQUEST, FUCK THAT)
Click here for a pop song, I guess.

wompwomp

2009-10-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

Life, right.

Shit's boring, but Halifax Pop is next week, so... Woo.

This is my new favorite music video:

CREED SHREDS

2009-10-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

This might be my new favorite Youtube thing.

The Sigur Ros one is pretty good too:

jay reatard is probably the worst dude

2009-10-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

From http://twitter.com/jayreatard/status/4652767785

"Band quit ! Fuck them ! They are boring rich kids who can't play for ahit anyways .. Say hello to your ugly and boring wifes opps I mean lifes guys suck it"

Recent video of him pissing on his guitarist and then the crowd:

In case you forgot:

Good thing Blood Visions and Watch Me Fall are both great!

ilu method man

2009-10-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

Rapper Method Man, of the legendary Wu-Tang Clan, was arrested on Monday (October 5), and charged with felony tax evasion.

Accord to numerous reports, the 38-year-old rapper was picked up with New York police, after failing to pay over $32,000 is personal and state income tax from between 2004 and 2007.

"Taxes are a burden that all citizens share in a civil society, whether you are an 'average Joe' on the street or a high-profile rap artist," Staten Island District Attorney Daniel Donovan told the New York Daily News.

Meth is expected to be arraigned on Staten Island on Monday, and could face up to four years in prison.

It's unknown if the rapper is enduring financial troubles, or if he simply forgot to pay, like he said back in March.

Method told the New York Daily News that his marijuana habit makes him forget things, after his Lincoln Navigator was seized for non-payment.

"Myself, I'm a pothead," he said in March. "It's no secret. Everyone knows that. I go on the road and forget everything else. Sure, [the tax department] sent letters to my house saying, 'We need this money.' They started sending them in 2002. ... Here it is, 2009, and I never paid this sh** because I don't think like that!"

good weekend!

2009-09-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Saw Ben Ross open for Share and Jordan open for Stereo Airing last night. Enjoyed it all, particularly Share (no diss to my friend-dawgs).

Noodley told me the most hilarious story about Cycle Michael and I was laughing so hard I was bumping in to people on the Capital deck, leaning over the railing, ribs aching. I've never even heard myself laugh like that. Oh, Noodles.

grandma decides to ghost ride da whip!

2009-09-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

HOLLA AT U FROM BROOKLYN

2009-09-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm all moved in to my new crib on Kitchen St, which we've dubbed Brooklyn. Been 2busy2blog, I guess. I feel uninteresting too, as if there's nothing to say, when there probably is. I just watched Jay-Z's performance from Madison Square Garden last night. Blueprint 3 dropped yesterday too, so it was kind of a big deal (and Blueprint dropped on 09/11/01 if you didn't know). It was pretty good, that's all I'll say. I've been on a bit of a Hov binge since I bought the best poster I've ever owned the other day.

Umm... we're having an unbirthday party tonight, too. All pals welcome, particularly if it's not your birthday. I won't lie: I mostly want this party so we have enough bottles to make a trip to the REDEMPTION CENTRE (I'm so glad it's called that).

Living with Tom Power: great thing or greatest thing? He just came in and told me about an apparently new Ryan Adams single called "Lost and Found", I'm listening to it on hypem right now, it's okay. Sounds a lot more like a demo than a single.

So... I saw B.A. Johnston last night, though I got bored twenty minutes in to his set and sat on the deck instead, strangely enough. I don't really know what else to talk about, fuck, I've lost my blog muse again. I'mma have to ween my way back. Until then, check out how good this new Drake song is and peep that ft. section. It's like 'whuuut~!?' rite?

Oh, and I miss my dawgs.

best things of summer 09

2009-08-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

In no particular order...

-WILCO
Umm, so Wilco is probably my favorite band. And I spent the first three months of the summer listening to them every day. I remember some days I would come home from work and just realize I hadn't even looked at another band on my ipod. They were the perfect band to travel for this summer, and (as I've detailed here before) it was the best time.

-The Spot
Many a summer night has been spent at the spot, usually with Graham and Cam but often with any number of random bucks who happened to be in town. We've gotten drunk there. We've smoked weed there. I remember even going there with Noodles once to real talk her about lyfe (whatchu all about NJ~!?). Anyway, the Spot was 2009's quintessential hang out... spot.

-Late April
Oh how I miss the days of Al Pal and Matt's crib in SJ. It's going to be a lot worse come September when I start having to come home for whatever reason throughout the school year and there is actually nothing to do whatsoever. During the last week and a half of April I remember bucking out with those dawgs, also Paul visited town and Cam got back from school.I also particularly remember the Ashes of American Flags DVD leaking around this time, and after watching an Adam Mowery set at Backstreet (setlist was perfect, btw) we went back to the Saloon and watched about twenty minutes of it, while drinking colts before stumbling down to Akhord for a David R. Elliott w/ Cam set.

-Graham and Cam
My bucks: how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: the only one that really matters is that without these dawgs SUMMER WOULD HAVE BEEN THE WORST OH MAN I CANT EVEN BE PLEASANT AROUND MY PARENTS IF GRAHAM AND CAM HADNT BEEN HERE ID HAVE PROBABLY EXPLODED SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

-Sappyfest!
Uhh... So this is probably the best musical event going on in New Brunswick that I'm aware of. Everything was absurdly cheap for a festival (read: normal priced for real life) and everyone running it was not uptight and unreasonably angry like most security at any larger sized festival. I finally got to see Julie Doiron, Destroyer, Eric's Trip... there are a lot more but I don't feel the need to elaborate. You should go next year.

-FCS Everything
Foodclothingshelter is the best thing. This is a personal list, so I'm basing this mostly on the experiences I have had there, which have been consistently drunk and surrounded by some of my best friends, so... The showcase last week was probably the best thing they've put on yet. The Bad Arts are so so so good, you really gotta see them if you get the chance.

-Simple Pleasures
Small moments that gave this summer its atmosphere: listening to Silver Jews in the rain at work, stowaway whiskey at Joel Plaskett, writing raps with Cam, getting drunk off my parents' booze, lil bong, Neko Case in a baseball field, my tractor at work, stoned Graham freaking out over the smashing stuff in "Consolation Prize", road trips to St. Andrews and Fredericton, blades in Sweeneys on my last night in Tweedsmuir, new house!, Liz's cottage and the dead bird at Sappy.

-Ma n Pa
Not much to say here except that I saved money this summer(!!) and they also fed me and housed me and I never really appreciated parents until after I lived without them. (Gord is theoretically tearing up at this sentiment)

-$8 trip to Halifax
I know, rite? After V-Fest became free it was kinda like 'if I don't go see Handsome Furs, Dinosaur Jr. and Plants and Animals (plus others I don't care about) FO FREE I will be disappointed'. I had my aunt and uncle's car but no scrill, and my friends had the desire to go but no car. Combined, you can figure out the rest, but (I think I already wrote about this here) I even got drunk at the Ward room after because they have an open bar?!?!

-myPod
i know i know i know i know i know i know. Putting your ipod as one of the essential things of a time in your life is kinda lame. But whatever man! Without my ipod I would not have had my most productive period of music listening ever in my life, and it was incredibly rewarding and I was able to digest a significant number of albums this summer, and it was... the only thing that kept me going through work.

So, yeah. Summer 09 pretty much in the bag. See you on Kitchen St. in the fall.

love in the time of... electronic cholera... i guess

2009-08-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

8tracks is a lot of fun. If you're reading this you would probably like it. It's basically the new incarnation of Muxtape, where you can upload (no less than) eight songs then post it to the internet as a mix. Clarke showed it to me and we agreed to make one for each other but now he's gone and I'm so on my grind (read: bored) that I'm already done and want SOMEONE to see it, so I'm just going to post it here. Umm, full disclosure: I have been in to 80's/90's indie and twee lately, so... yeah. Oh, and the Zombies too. Also, that the Feelies track doesn't start till like :35 seconds, so cut it some slack, alright.

Mid-90's Love-Letter

You should probably let me know what you think in the 'comment' section below it. And also make your own because this is a lot of fun.

i think i like the new Brand New song

2009-08-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

I've spent today with my family on my deck, BBQ'ing and listening to Destroyer, the Wedding Present, the Zombies, the Jesus and Mary Chain and Wilco. Good day.

SUMMER JAMS 5: THIS IS IT

2009-08-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

So I just made the fifth and final mix cd of summer jams. Scary, rite? This edition is different than the previous four in that it's not made up of tracks I'm currently jamming, so much as songs that remind me of this summer / when I listen to it next summer I can be like 'oh yeah, that song!' and it'll be awesome nostalgia (the best kind). So... here is that:

1. Phoenix - Lisztomania
2. The Exploding Hearts - Sleeping Aides & Razorblades
3. Jay-Z - U Don't Know
4. Jeff Tweedy - Laminated Cat
5. Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
6. The Love Language - Lalita
7. The Walkmen - Thinking of a Dream I Had
8. Pavement - Gold Soundz
9. Lil Wayne - Dipset
10. Harlem Shakes - Strictly Game
11. Julie Doiron - Borrowed Minivans
12. Parlovr - Sever My Ties
13. Let's Wrestle - I'm in Fighting Mode
14. Wilco - Handshake Drugs (Kicking Television version)
15. Destroyer - Dark Leaves Form A Thread
16. Sunset Rubdown - Mending of the Gown
17. The Henry Clay People - You Can Be Timeless
18. The Microphones - You'll Be in the Air
19. Mount Eerie w/ Julie Doiron + Fred Squires - Voice In Headphones
20. Drake - The Winner
21. Forest Fire - Slow Motion

Phoenix to start works for a few reasons, mostly because Lisztomania is a great opener, but also because the first few weeks I was back from school was the peak of my interest in that album, so it kinda starts the mix out chronologically. I like the Jay-Z-->Laminated Cat transition because it's kinda aurally jarring, but those two songs are both so great for such different reasons. The Love Language / The Walkmen is kinda the fuzzy guitar section. Gold Soundz was arguably the summer jam. Cam put that Wayne track on the rap mix he made me when we started rapping. Harlem Shakes were another band I was really in to at the beginning of the summer, but "this will be a better year" is just a great chorus/chant. I saw Handshake Drugs live WHUT UP. Dark Leaves Form A Thread was another definite summer jam. Mending of the Gown is one of my favorite songs to drive to, I love hearing it coming on to the highway. The Henry Clay People tune is mostly only on there so every time I hear it I can laugh about May/June when Graham would always get me to put it on. The last four songs are kind of awkward if you notice that sort of sequencing shit, what with the double-shot of Phil Eleverum straight in to The Winner, then Slow Motion but I liked the general flow of the mix up until that and didn't want to mess with it. I had to fit The Winner on there somewhere because I kind of had a summer of Drake, and that might be his best song. But most importantly I had to finish on Slow Motion because what a great closing track.

I feel like this needs a title

2009-08-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm at the Red Whale right now, trying to finish a story, and there's two girls I don't really recognize but probably went to high school with (I think one of them is dating my cousin) sitting next to me and they have spent half of their conversation texting other people and it is REALLY DISCOURAGING.

Oh, and because I care:
Justin Vernon (Bon Iver) and a band called Collections of Colonies of Bees (I couldn't make this shit up) did a collaboration before For Emma, Forever Ago was even mastered (which puts it around late 2006 or something, since did you know he lived in the woods for a while or something?!) called Volcano Choir and Jagjaguwar (which is a great label) has released the first single here. There is so much less falsetto than you probably expect. (Me and brackets have been getting along lately).

And hot off the wire (thx Tom Power): Radiohead already have a new song since they decided they hate albums and it is called "These Are My Twisted Words" and I like that song title quite a bit. The Guardian article I posted on facebook with the "no more albums" news seems to be a little presumptuous, because there are no real points where Thom says "no albums ever," mostly just "we don't really feel like doing one for a while" so apologies if I came off as alarmist. Also, a neat thing is that people on What.CD suspect Radiohead leaked the new song themselves, and it would be pretty great if they were being that forthcoming with new songs.

Oh, and in completely unrelated news I was in Shoppers today and my old manager/the lady who hired me said "you always have the craaaaziest status updates!.... it's like 'what is going on in his head'" referring to my facebook, and I said "oh.. Probably just lyrics from rap songs I like or something." And it struck me as pretty funny.

Dave + Mary (a true story)

2009-08-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

"Jesus Christ, Mary. You can't live your life like this,"
Dave spits,
literally,
in between six-dollar cigarettes
and Crossword scratch tickets.
His face rodentine,
somewhere between mousy
and rat-like.

He loved her like a movie.
And she thought he'd split
when she told him about the first one.
"It's been thirty years,"
he chuckles.
"If I was goin' I'd have left a damn long time ago."

Mary used to be a teenager
until two crooked bastards
shoved a shotgun's double-barrel
like God's eyes in her face.
She couldn't dream for years,
even with Dave always home by dark,
massaging the fears away like dead leaves.

Dave can be a shrewd little bugger.
He knows his rights
and he'll damn well tell you
when you're doin him wrong.
Their love knows nothing of crooked teeth,
because they've waited out entire years
just to furnish
one-bedroom apartments
with dingy ornaments
they tried to buy ironically.

And now that trouble's gone
they think they'll wait for death.
Because, they suppose,
love ages for a lucky few,
and no presumptuous bitch
with a toothy rifle
could convince them otherwise.

(I had a really long conversation with Dave at work today. This is basically what we talked about, or at least what I took from it.
Also, this Mary is not my Mom.)

Ghostface is the man!

2009-07-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

Re: his new R&B album:
"You gotta tell the fans that you not gettin' no younger here — we gettin' older! And everybody don’t sell crack no more, man. I don’t sell crack, yo. I ain’t movin' no bricks or none of that other shit. I ain't shoot nobody in like … since the early 90's, man."

New York Entertainment tried to get him to talk more about it in this interview, but seriously, how would you respond if asked by a journalist to talk about the last time you killed someone. Also, maybe I'm just not hip to what he's getting at, but to me, this quote is some straight Dirt McGirt shit right here (aka it doesn't make ANY SENSE AT ALL):

"It was a title I had since I did the Pretty Toney album, and I just wanted to do something that had meaning with it. I wanted to base it around The Wizard of Oz. I was passing the chuckle patches and all that stuff like that, doing everything till I got to the Emerald City, and meeting the person that was like God, you know what I mean? That’s what I was gonna do: Fall asleep where the chuckle patches was at, under a tree or something, and here go these skits, and they laughing and all this shit. I could have been dreaming, or whatever the case may be. But things had to change cause I couldn’t take the same likeness of that movie and put it on my album cause then it’s gonna cause a problem. But I still kept the Wizard of Poetry and Emerald City."

2009-07-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

I think my favorite part of the internet right now is wilcoclubvideos on youtube. So many awesome Wilco videos from the late 90's/early 00's, and therefore so much Being There / Summerteeth. I neglected to mention Being There on my list of recent listenings last weekend, but damn, it's been kind of a fixture lately. It took a few listens, but there's so many good songs it's kinda ridiculous.

Having a quiet night, just had subpar chicken and am drinking a subpar beer. I think I'm going to finish some stuff I've been working on tonight. Alright.

Awesome version of Laminated Cat.

Eskimo Snow

2009-07-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

The new Why? album Elephant Snow leaked the other day and it's pretty good. When Yoni was quoted as saying a few months ago that it was "really the least hip-hop thing I've ever been involved in" I could understand any hesitations, but it feels like a solid companion piece to Alopecia (which it is, I guess, since they were recorded in the same sessions).

There are a few stand out tracks, but most importantly: the lyrics are still sharp, (sometimes) funny and intensely wordy. Take for example:

"I'm crossing states on a state-bus / with custom plates and the paint rusting / like cussing saints with strange customs"

"I wanna speak at an intimate decibel / with the precision of an infinite decimal"

Anyway, it probably doesn't hold up as well as Alopecia on further listens, but overall I like it quite a bit. "Into the Shadows of My Embrace" starts like a 50's doo-wop tune, with a real swanky xylophone part, and it's a great pop song. And yeah, most of these could fit on Alopecia despite not really being very rap, but I didn't find Alopecia to be terribly hip-hop anyway. I mean, obviously Yoni is very influenced by hip-hop lyricism and delivery, but that album had hints of straight pop music anyway.

All I'm really trying to say is if you liked Alopecia (and not because it was 'like, totally indie-rap, man') you should probably like Eskimo Snow.

cam'ron explains the origin of no homo

2009-07-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

Soooo Hemingway (the Sessions Cafe Blog)

2009-07-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm at Sessions with Lindsay and Graham right now, drinking a hot chocolate with whipped cream in it because it was always my favorite drink here. There is a man named Shane trying to conduct an auction humorously, but he's just being annoying and bad at it. This blog is dedicated to Mike English cause he called me out on being shitty at posting lately, and I love him, so I felt bad.

They just sold a ceiling tile for $6. Just raking in that cash. I was expecting this to be a far more relaxing environment for writing. Graham refuses to come to the Mustache party in Fredericton tonight, what is that. Damnit, this auctioneer is too loud to actually think of something worth writing. So I'm just going to talk about music I've been listening to, cause Mike said that's what he used my blog for (and let's not forget he's why we're all here).

1. Rap Music
Mike English does not like rap music, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't my number one lately. Jay-Z's The Black Album and The Blueprint have been in heavy rotation, as well as Drake's The Winner which is maybe my favorite Drake song now. He's just continuously getting better.

2. Sunset Rubdown - Dragonslayer
Definitely my favorite Sunset Rubdown album, and probably one of my albums of the year so far. Lots of epic songs, with really killer guitars, and Spencer Krug is just on his game, real hard. "Silver Moons", "You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet Part 2)" and "Nightingale/December Song" are among his best songs lyrically.

3. Silver Jews - Bright Flight
This has been the album that satisfies me most lately. I've mentioned it a handful of times over the last year, but I just keep going back to it. David Berman has such a dry, witty style of songwriting that is often both hilarious and heart-wrenching. I find his approach to folk music really refreshing, and this is an album I just like sitting down and listening to all the way through.

4. Chris Knox - Beat
I found out about Chris Knox because of a tribute compilation coming out sometime this year, featuring contributions from Jeff Mangum, Will Oldham, Bill Callahan, Yo La Tengo, Guided by Voices, Jay Reatard, the Magnetic Fields, AC Newman, the Mountain Goats, Lou Barlow, Superchunk AND MORE. I know, rite? Anyway, Knox's discography is kinda vast, so I don't feel like I've got a good grasp on his sound, but Beat is a decent indiepop album, with lots of drum machines and 69 Love Songs-esque pop lyrics.

5. Built to Spill - Perfect From Now On
I really like this era of Built to Spill. I tried You in Reverse, but I find the production is too light on vocals and you don't get enough of Doug Martsch being all twangy and abstract. The music here switches between dreamy and visceral pretty effortlessly, and it makes for a really enjoyable listen. Pretty obvious influence on Cymbals Eat Guitars' debut from this year (which is also pretty good).

I guess that's it, aside from a few tracks here and there. New Babette Hayward song is really, really good. There's a few good songs on the new Wild Beasts album, Two Dancers. I also should have probably mentioned Lil Wayne and Cadence Weapon in my rap write-up, but I've since left Sessions, cause that douchebag auctioneer was so annoying, and I don't really feel like re-reading anything I wrote an hour ago. If I plugged my iPod in to my computer I could find out some more stuff I've been in to probably, but I don't really feel like it. Fredericton tonight! I have to go shave my goatee into a mustache. ugh.

Big ups to Mikey English.

P.S. Random memory I recently recalled: Once during the teacher's strike first year I got a ride back to Saint John but just stayed at Matt's place on Murder Row. We got really drunk - I think this was the weekend Just Us Bucks really took off - and I ended up shaving when I was totally drunk with a cigarette in my hand. The next day I woke up with the vaguest memory of it, and man, I can't believe that actually worked out. Good times.

no description, watch it fresh

2009-07-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

i have seen these wilco songs live:

2009-07-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

1. Wilco (the Song)
2. I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
3. Shot in the Arm
4. At Least That's What You Said
5. Bull Black Nova
6. You Are My Face
7. One Wing
8. Handshake Drugs (!)
9. Side with the Seeds
10. Deeper Down
11. Jesus, etc.
12. Sonny Feeling
13. nothing'severgonnastandinmyway (again) (!!)
14. Via Chicago (!!!)
15. Impossible Germany
16. Spiders (Kidsmoke)
17. Hummingbird
------------------
18. I'm the Man Who Loves You

It got cut short because of rain, but everything was pretty goddamn perfect. We also showed up at the end of their soundcheck and caught "I'll Fight", "Outtamind (Outtasite)" and "nothing'severgonnastandinmyway (again)", which they ended up playing later. 13-16 was definitely the highlight of the set for me, though I don't think I stopped beaming for the first four songs. "Handshake Drugs" was notably awesome, and I smoked a smoke with Ben Ross during "Via Chicago" and it felt great. Best show I've ever seen, obviously. I also saw a copy of the planned setlist on the ViaChicago forums, and I'm even less disappointed than I was when it was originally called short (read: they weren't going to play "Misunderstood", though "Magazine Called Sunset" is pretty great). Also, during "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" Jeff Tweedy came off-stage for one of his solos and held up the guitar for a kid a few rows in front of us to strum (video included, you can actually see the girl we were standing beside's face for a split second) and I was within a couple feet of him, and that was pretty surreal.

Conor Oberst opened, and my prepared response for 'how was he?' is 'it had its moments', but really it was kinda bad. It was pretty neat to see him in real life since I kinda really loved Bright Eyes in high school, but he was probably pretty drunk / coked up, and he tried to spit at one point but wound up spitting on himself, and that was pretty embarassing, though he didn't notice. Also, the bassist sang one of the songs, and that was pretty cringe-worthy. I guess he's got this whole 'spiritual / mystic' steeze going on now (typified by some feathery/shell necklace monstrosity he was wearing), which is fine, I guess, but not really for me. But yeah, it was still neat that I saw Conor Oberst in real life. Also, his stage banter didn't exist (save for 'thank you for listening, my friends. Thank you so much. Thank you my friends', and something like 'Wilco's up next, whuttup' which was almost Matt Elliot-esque') which, I suspect, was either because he was too fucked up to talk, or because people were too afraid to converse with him when he did Bright Eyes cause he seemed so sad, and he never learned how to properly interact with a crowd. It was probably the prior, though.

MASSIVE WEEKEND

2009-07-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

Went to Halifax this weekend for V-Fest, which ended up being free, and was the best time. I got to get drunk for free at the Ward's Room, a bar at Kings College, with Tynan, Paul, Matt, Al Pal and Cam. And I saw Plants and Animals, Handsome Furs and Dinosaur Jr. FO FREE. It was the best thing.

Anyway, I'm pretty drunk at 6:30 on Monday afternoon, and am going to see Brennan Moore's band with Graham soon. Woo. Life is alright cause Wilco is saturday.

Maybe the most pertinent update in my life to this blog is that my black notebook with "THESE WORDS ARE FROM THE FUTURE!" written on the front - which this blog was originally named after - has been officially filled up. Which is just weird for me, personally.

got me walkin on the moon

2009-06-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the Belle Comedians' first show in Fredericton tonight. Michael Jackson died today! And the only successful joke I've heard about it yet was Mike English's: "I guess he just didn't have the heart to go back on tour." Well done.

2009-06-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty dilligent about writing recently, updating Still Words fairly regularly, reviewed Neko Case's new album on DistortDistort, and uhh... thinking... about short stories to write, which (doesn't) almost counts.

This post was originally going to be a really long story about yesterday, but I opted out of that because I felt it lost its relevancy as the story went on, and it's probably more the sort of story I tell Graham, and he laughs, and I laugh, then let it evaporate into gentle obscurity.

So I guess I will, instead, use this to say what music I've been listening to this week:
Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
This is an obvious one, I guess, since I just reviewed it, but I've been listening pretty much all day every day, I love Neko Case.

Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I See A Darkness
One of my most played of the summer so far. Will Oldham's voice is both shaky and outstanding, and this is a great album.

Let's Wrestle - In the Court of the Wrestling Let's
Perfect album for work. I've been listening to it once a day for a week or two, will probably review soon.

Joel Plaskett - Three
I was really skeptical about a triple-disc folk album, but honestly, if you like Joel Plaskett you will enjoy this album.

Deer Tick - Born on Flag Day
Shit, it's apparent how in to alt-country I am right now, isn't it?

Drake
No particular album, just a bunch of Drake songs on my iPod on shuffle. Fuck, Drake is awesome. He's so awesome, in fact, that it doesn't even surprise me that he is probably dating Rihanna. He's just that fucking awesome.

the new neko case album is soooo good

2009-06-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know the last time I heard lyrics this good.

Neko Case - This Tornado Loves You

my love, i am the speed of sound

i left them motherless, fatherless
their souls dangling inside-out from their mouths
but it's never enough

i want you...

carved your name across three counties
ground it in with bloody hides
their broken necks will line the ditch
till you stop it
stop it
stop it
stop it
stop it
stop this madness

i want you...

i have waited with a glacier's patience
smashed every transformer with every trailer
till nothing was standing
sixty-five miles wide
still, you are nowhere
still, you are nowhere
nowhere in sight

come out to meet me
run out to meet me
come into the light

climb the boxcars to the engine
through the smoke and to the sky
your rails have always outrun mine
so i
picked them up and crashed them down
in a moment close to now

cause i miss
i miss
i miss
i miss
i miss
i miss
i miss
i miss

how you'd sigh yourself to sleep
when i'd rake the springtime
across your sheets

my love, i am the speed of sound
i left them motherless, fatherless
their souls dangling inside-out from their mouths
but it's never enough

my love
i'm an owl on the sill in the evening
but morning finds you
still warm and breathing

this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you

what will make you believe me?

this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you
this tornado loves you

what will make you believe me?

more blogs than your body has room for!

2009-06-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

Serf City SJ, a blog about SJ Culture (almost a contradiction (just playin'!)) published one of my pieces, and you can find it WHEN YOU CLICK ON THIS TEXT HERE.

I'm just glad one of the post's tags included 'indie'.

WILL MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS BE THE BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER?!

2009-06-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

2009-06-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Summertime blog absence is becoming an annual occurrence, but I've been doing worthwhile creative things instead - hey man, you know you can trust me! I've been meaning to start a series called 'FRIENDS FROM WORK' in which I post essays about people I work with, and that fire just needs a spark. I also have six pieces on the go, which I am reviewing + bettering reasonably frequently every couple days. Sometimes I don't know why I write as if the few actual readers of this site would be interested. Then I remembered - fuck 'em, it's ma blawg.

So concert schedule this summer includes Wilco on July 11th, Sappyfest July 31st-August 2nd, perhaps Modest Mouse in Halifax (though it's likely to sell out quicker than all get out), and if I'm reallllly smart I'll go see Cymbals Eat Guitars + the Pains of Being Pure At Heart (both of whom's albums are among my favorites of the year) in Montreal or Toronto in early September. Did you guys realize that school doesn't start until the 10th or some shit?! Extended summer, wooooo~! So obviously I would like to spend some of that extra time a little further from New Brunswick.

Anyway, workin' real hard just to get my hands clean. Haven't repped the Boss much lately, but I've been blaring Wilco everyday, Lil Wayne remixes, rap in general (been writing rhymes lately too, cause it's so much goddamn fun), Deer Tick's new record is pretty good, Julie Doiron's album may be my favorite of the year (so far obv), Destroyer's Trouble in Dreams is kicking my ass (too excited for Sappy), and Forest Fire's Survival is surprisingly great. La Blogotheque named it the album of the year for 2008, and it was released on Catbird Records, run by one of the guys who runs MBV, which, if I remember correctly is linked on the side of the page, but it's just this sometimes casual, often strained alt-country record, with lyrics that though occasionally spotty, are mainly charmingly offbeat.

That last sentence really threw off the flow of this post. Sorry if that was mentally jarring, I'm pretty stoned.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE... LAZERS DO

2009-06-11T03:50:00.000-07:00

Due 6/16

http://www.myspace.com/majorlazer

DRUNK GIRLS (PROSE)

2009-06-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

I wake up and the first thing I notice is the incredibly putrid stench of wet dog and vomit mixed together, and holy fuck is it ever laying waste to this room.
Within ten seconds the hangover kicks in and I immediately regret waking up. I mutter something incomprehensible, with my eyes barely open and absolutely no blankets covering me. My bra is on backwards, with my arms in place, the cups around my back and the strap barely covering the thinnest slice of my tits.
When I raise my head to look at my chest I feel something strange on my stomach and look further down. Inexplicably there’s two quarters, a toonie, and three pennies, taped to my stomach, ordered like a smiley face.
Briefly I contemplate going back to sleep, but as soon as I shut my eyes my head shrieks, and I have a blistering headache and the uncontrollable urge to puke. I look to my left to see if there is a bucket or anything to get sick in but just as I start making a terrible mess on the bed I realize I have absolutely no idea whose room this is.
I empty my stomach and look up towards the ceiling. There’s a poster of five guys standing with greasy, long hair that reads “Pearl Jam” directly above me. What the fuck is Pearl Jam? They look like Nickelback.
Fuck. Did I sleep with a guy who likes Nickelback?
I look around the room further. There's three people spooning in the corner, with a shattered guitar beside and underneath them. I hoist myself up, and look out the window. Outside I see a backyard with a swing set, a large deck, between 50 and 100 empty bottles of various shapes and sizes, arbitrarily arranged on the ground, and what I recognize as an infinite collection of cigarette butts sprinkled everywhere.
I suddenly hear a faint noise coming from beneath me. It sounds like “S.O.S.” by Rihanna, and after it stops I realize it’s somebody’s cellphone, muffled beneath the bed. I re-arrange my bra, and put my feet, hesitantly, on the floor. I look around the room for my shirt, but I don’t see it. I’m still wearing a skirt, but my underwear is gone, and I can’t seem to see any of my clothes around the room.
I get up and walk (stumble) to the closet. I open it and am scared shitless when some kid, still passed out, rolls onto my feet. He is naked, covered in puke, and I don’t recognize him at all. I reach over him and grab the first t-shirt I see and put it on. It is about 5 sizes too big for me, with paint stains, and a ripped arm.
I open the bedroom door and standing there, frozen, is an elementary aged boy, with big, quivering eyes. His face is painted like a tiger, and he’s got a helium balloon floating a foot above his head, and a teddy bear in his arm. He has the biggest eyes I can ever remember seeing. I stand still and wait. ‘I’m too hungover for this,’ I think.
“H-h-h-h-who are y-you?” he stammers.
I consider answering him but my stomach starts screeching like a siren, and instead I just ask him where the bathroom is. He points down the hall and I ruffle his hair as I walk past, which actually bothers me because I hate meaningless signs of affection.
I hurry down the hall and close the door behind me. From the bathroom floor I can hear a very angry older woman, presumably the Mother of this house, ripping in to someone downstairs. I look up and see that this room has been wrecked. There’s six condom wrappers visibly populating the floor. Somebody either puked or bled all over the shower. It says “Dave Lowry Loves Allison Davis” in lipstick across the mirror. I puke probably six times before lowering the toilet seat and flushing.
Fuck. It’s broken. I walk to the sink and rinse out my mouth. I walk to the window. It’s getting gorgeous outside. I can hear the mother raise her voice, and I start freaking out because I have genuinely no idea whose house this is.
Suddenly someone tries to open the bathroom door. They find it locked, obviously, and start fiddling with the knob.
An older voice, a guy, says, “hey – is there somebody in here? Danny?”
I check my pockets – I’ve lost my cell phone, wallet, keys, and cigarettes (though I probably smoked them all). I do have $2.53 in change, taped to my stomach. The person on the other side of the door starts knocking and fiddling more furiously. I prop open the window and look out. There’s a 25 foot drop into a flower bed, and a pipe running vertically down towards the ground. I walk to the toilet again, puke once for the road, and return to the window.
After sliding outside on to the pole I hear the lock begin to break. I slide halfway down the house then fall the last ten feet. There’s somebody in the window above me when I jump up and take off down the street.

CUMBERBLOG

2009-05-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

OMG blog you've gotten cumbersome! It's been real busy lately, I mean real busy. It's almost like the internet is not where all time should be spent, and you know what's wrong with that thought?! Everything! I wonder how much cool shit I missed this week just because I wasn't around whatsoever. Probably nothing I would still remember, but still, it's nice at the time. Or whatever.

I start my 9-5 tomorrow, and the shitty thing about that is a lot of stuff. But I'm working finally! I started selling knives today, too. So work is for real now, and summer is officially goin'. I've been to Fredericton 3 times, and St. Andrews twice already, and maybe that's not enough, but it's still May, so fuck it. Also, it's almost June, and do you know what that means!?!?!?

Three months till Friendton! Wooo!

Wilco (the Blog)

2009-05-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh the bracket joke has been run into the ground, but holy shit, Wilco (the Album) is so good!They are arguably the best band of the last ten years. Show me another band with seven quality albums, each with a unique sound and COMPLETELY WORTHWHILE. They have yet to repeat themselves, and it's getting absurd. You could argue that A Ghost is Born, Sky Blue Sky and Wilco all move in the same direction (a much more logical progression than say, Summerteeth, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and A Ghost is Born), and if you were so inclined to dislike Wilco you would probably say that they're just releasing boring, Dad-rock, but why would you say that when you could actually listen to those albums and be proven completely wrong? The internet is too cynical.

Going to Fredericton today! Because May 17th is a national holiday in my friendgroup.

well, hell

2009-05-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,
It's me, Bun. I guess I've been a little absent for the past week and a half. Graham showed up! I've been watching insane amounts of useless shit on the internet, and neglecting legitimate pursuits like reading, writing, cooking. I'm in the throes of the job market, attempting to find a reasonable summer job. It's been weak so far, but I've got an interview for a pretty boss sounding job tomorrow evening in Fredericton, though the job is in Rothesay. Weird, huh.

Spending a little bit of time with music. Mostly listening in my car, because on the computer I've been watching How I Met Your Mother with embarrassing speed (I can't believe I elected to publish this fact on the internet forever and ever) and Delocated. HIMYM in particular has been a horrific time-waster, but I'm still keeping it pretty real. I've also been getting pretty drunk, pretty regularly, for pretty cheap. It's a good life.

MUSIC PLAYLIST!
1. Drake - Comeback Season
2. Motel Motel - Coffee
3. The Henry Clay People - Rock n Roll Has Lost its Teeth
4. Darlings - Teenage Girl
5. One for the Team - Garden
6.Parlovr - Sever My Ties
7. Lil Wayne - Yeahhh
8. Harlem Shakes - Strictly Game
9. Crystal Antlers - Andrew
10. Phoenix - Lisztomania
11. Kanye ft. Jay-Z, Lil Wayne - Go Hard (Remix)

Thanks, Shadowhare!

2009-04-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

I've spent a good portion of the last few weeks watching the entire Spider-Man animated series from 1994. It's starting to affect the way I view hazardous chemicals and construction sites because, seriously, fuckin' everyone in that show gets super powers, and that just ain't fair. Today I found out there is hope after all!

Enter: Shadowhare!

"We help enforce the law by doing what we can in legal standards, so we carry handcuffs, pepper spray … all the legal weapons," said Shadowhare. "We will do citizen's arrests. We will intervene on crimes if there is one happening in front of us."

I just finished the fifth and final season today, so this can't just be a coincidence. I was already talking about wanting to be a super-hero whose alias has to do with fire at Graham ave. last week! But shit, I probably shouldn't say too much more. I can't have you bastards turning me in when the authorities start looking for: THE FLAMER!!!!

(or is that too obvious?)

BY THE WAY
get your swine flu shots!

Especially you, Graham! I don't want you bringin' no exotic diseases home from that awful province yer in.

grade 11 strikes back

2009-04-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was just talking to Bucky and she was like 'o, hey! I found this letter you wrote me one time.' I was immediately terrified that she was going to send me this terribly embarrassing, sappy grade 11 luvpoem thang, but! it wasn't even that bad! And the last line predicted my past three years better than I would have expected from grade 11 me:

"Tonight was particularly important because for the first time I realized life doesn't need to be remembered, just experienced."

10 albums that shaped second year

2009-04-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight
Wilco - Summerteeth
Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Mason Jennings - In the Ever
Why? - Alopecia
Plants and Animals - Parc Avenue
Handsome Furs - Face Control
Silver Jews - Bright Flight
Chad VanGaalen - Soft Airplane

AHHHHHHHH

2009-04-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

It is absolutely the summer. And I am absolutely prepared.

work safety

2009-04-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

While this is at some points disturbing, I think it's a worthwhile watch because it'll teach you a lot about good makeup techniques and also how not to hit a board so hard a nail will dislodge itself and get stuck in yer eye.

& yet & yet

2009-04-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Empty clouds breaking bad news
above torn dictionaries, whose pages
silently shriek in the wind
while U and I collide
again, neath hundreds of broken
street-lights, whose flickered pulse
resembles fractured heartbeats
and unsung eyes telling me
I’m not so familiar anymore.
These shoes won’t leave land
so I can’t rise above the slow
sweat of the city, whose beat
seems more steady than sweet.
& yet & yet I feel undeserved,
struggling with the insignificance
of dead texts, dead words,
painting pictures just to say nothing,
tainting moments with useless insights
because I’m not my Father’s son,
it’s a different animal.
And life is too prone to imbalance,
riding shotgun in used cars,
over rural highways where
the bay is broken and ice falls
while I waver and bend,
but won’t fold.
Self-taught to learn to love myself
in all shapes, cause no one else can,
and it’s not so important as I’ve made it,
so I keep looking for contexts
to paint you in to while something
tiny and often biting stays strapped
and uninterested in escape.
Beyond belief and breaking protocol,
running like the river
and working words out,
whose meanings obscure
the dull glory of bitter days,
praying that I’m heaven-sent for bigger things
but duly set for life mundane.

2009-04-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

It is April 6th day! That means a year ago a lot of really interesting and fun things were happening in my life! This year I am mostly taking it easy in residence, writing an essay about Mormons, re-watching that Los Colorados video, and continuing my fifty-sixth time through Arrested Development (I'm actually watching the episode where Tobias becomes Mrs. Featherbottom RITE NOW).

Weird weekend, but they usually are. Might be in Saint John this summer, for serious. Is it weird that I feel disinclined to talk about myself on my blog? Isn't that the point?

:(

2009-04-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I Miss Jordan!!

2009-04-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

I appear to have lost some of my blog muse, in that now I'm mostly postin' about things that appeal to me on the internet and funny things I see. My life just aint that dramatic! Dinger.

But, fuckin' Osheaga's initial line-up got released! And Beastie Boys are headlining Saturday night. And fucked if I'mma miss that.

fuck yes, ukranian polka

2009-03-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that if someone asked me what I have been listening to lately I would have to include this video?

Because I can't say I care at all. Fuck that is a good song.

'Let me... Licorice'

2009-03-27T13:58:00.001-07:00

Coincidentally I was talking to Clarke today about how "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" is a very frequently covered song. I am mostly posting this here so I'll be able to find and watch it over and over again.

my lyfe!!

2009-03-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm reasonably fucked at school right now, dinger. The only fun thing I've been up to is getting a portfolio ready to apply for a creative writing class. I finished this today:

The Influence of Impulse

Under cracking stars I watch
tiny, confetti-like ashes
blow up and drift out from each other,
losing teeth on graying cysts of pavement.
Dawn breathes something vague along the horizon
while bruised skies burn then sleep,
predicting the tiny tremors of afternoon.
Drunkenly, I stammer insanity’s manifesto
at the blind sun. Mary sleeps inches away
on the map, waiting / begging for light’s courage.

And Mary has no patience for a city
whose poets only bleat their broken death verse
and whose children are not blessed.
She’s at war with duty, and hates your kisses.
And I’ve never seen her cry,
but there’s rivers jack-knifed and slit
like a black-hole, matter slipping through under
pastel skies and steam from the rain.
Chained young and left for old, her bruises
are gasoline rainbows; she’s chaste, and chasing safety.

Escape being the antidote, I relapsed and
can’t look back. No worries
except hospital beds and bad dreams
(that hallucination over-and-over-again)
of my hometown, like a full cup, overflowing.
Mary says, ‘live like the careful kids,
who only stay alive in case they don’t die.’
As if God was blessing her! She’s a fevered dream –
and if you close your eyes, she’ll still get in.

Dawning impulse and breaking kayfabe:
I’m bursting with influence, documenting moments
meant to be forgotten. Collectively
we’ve ignored the human experience;
experts’ best opinions advising me to fictionalize
something to believe in. My religion is the
nauseous feeling between life and day, dead and night.

And now the youth are obsolete, grasping for
utility, they’ve lost their voice because
it’s all been done by someone younger / more violent.
While Mary sits at the end of her bed, crying,
because she’s been made to feel older / violated.

oshit, spring

2009-03-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

I forgot to think about it for a few days and suddenly we are in the midst of spring. Fuck yes. To celebrate, an e.e. cummings poem called 'Spring is like a perhaps hand'.

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere)arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here)and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things,while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there)and

without breaking anything.

So, word, I haven't been updating because school shit is getting real. Gearing up to move in to Clarke's office in a month, and then I will shut out the world and spend months typing endlessly on my blog, surely. I've been listening to exceptional amounts of Springsteen, the Jesus and Mary Chain, the Cool Kids, new Peter Bjorn and John, the Replacements' Let it Be, and catching up on the second season of Californication and the third season of Skins. On that topic, fuck Cook, and fuck Effie. What a slut.

Top luv,
Ben

2009-03-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

Julie Doiron's I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day is so so so great. It caught me off guard because it's been so long since she broke my heart last, but I loved Woke Myself Up when it came out. This album is a definite new direction for Doiron's solo career, but is more akin to her band from the 90's, the now reunited Eric's Trip.

Woke Myself Up was a primarily acoustic singer/songwriter effort. It's very affecting because Doiron's voice is delicate, hushed, and usually gorgeous. That album sounded really intimate, and I wish I hadn't gone so long without hearing it. I Can Wonder, on the other hand, embraces distorted guitar, and a rounded out band. Luckily, Doiron's voice is as nice as it's ever been, and despite the differences these albums fit well in her catalogue together.

I should mention, towards the end of I Can Wonder, Doiron turns down the volume, and delivers some of the best songs on the album. On 'Blue' she uses just a guitar and tons of reverb, and it's more haunting than anything on Woke Myself Up.

Also, saw Watchmen this week. I really enjoyed it, with obvious regard to how the graphic novel is better. It's just that the book is necessary, whereas the movie just tries to best summarize the events within. The graphic novel is just a better medium for that story. The themes they explore, and the development of characters in the graphic novel is stunning, whereas films are usually unable to replicate that. I thought it was a decent translation, though, and thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

old people struggling with youth culture

2009-03-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

Luckily Esquire Understands

2009-03-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

I just clicked through to a list called 'The 75 albums every man should own' on Esquire.

Check out the very first one (fuck yeah!)

Also, holy fuck:

2009-03-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

'People call me 'Bikini Cory' because I earned it.'

This bitch is for real.

Hey! Everyone!

2009-03-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

LISTEN TO FUCKIN' WILCO, ALRIGHT?!?!

spring break woo~!

2009-02-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

I've decided to go back to Saint John for March break again, which seems risky, but I think it'll work out. This week I got a lot of prose work done, and I plan on using my time off to get a lot of writing off the ground. Just spend time in my house listening to music and writing, all day.

I'm working on three stories right now. I'll explain the plots of each in 10, 20, and 50 words, respectively:

Story 1: Has a disenchanted youth, and dead cat impaled by nails. (probably won't finish)

Story 2: About a drunk girl, with non-linear narrative, and the main action is the party, which I am making rather scandalous.

Story 3: Called 'Emma and Graves,' maybe. Inspired by an article written by Kurt Vonnegut in 1998. Vonnegut proposes if everyone took a small, manageable portion of land, (like our own, personal Eden) and spent their time trying to make it beautiful, the world would benifit. Will also be in some ways response to a poem by Christopher Marlowe, as I am handing it in for an essay to Andrew Titus. This summary had more than 50 words, but that's because I broke character halfway through the last sentence to further explain the context!

Speaking of Vonnegut I completely fell in love with him again. His prose is so witty and biting, and I can't think of any writer who can satirize so harshly, yet be so precise. I've been reading a lot of his speeches and essays lately because he just is one of the best dudes I know about.

I read a speech he gave in 2003 (at 81 years old) and learned that some of my personal philosophies match up with his. (The following quotes are all from this speech)

'And now I want to tell you about my late Uncle Alex. He was my father’s kid brother, a childless graduate of Harvard who was an honest life insurance salesman in Indianapolis. He was well-read and wise. And his principal complaint about other human beings was that they so seldom noticed it when they were happy. So when we were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, ''If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'''

+1, KV! Moreover, he mentions many times his great love for music, which, in this speech he refers to as "the only proof he ever needed for God." Also a well documented humanist, and his favorite joke was apparently saying '(insert dead person's name) is in heaven now.' and he hoped people would say that about him after he died (which they probably do). Perhaps best of all is his declaration of love for the arts, which reads:

'But actually, to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. Dance on your way out of here. Sing on your way out of here. Write a love poem when you get home. Draw a picture of your bed or roommate.'

It was strange at first, relating to Vonnegut's sentiments, since his literary prowess was influenced primarily by the horrible acts of war he witnessed in WW2. It seems as though Vonnegut should be, perhaps, more cynical than me, given what he's seen. However, I feel as though cynicism is a pretty good trait. Because how else would you know how to appreciate happiness?

Last thing, I swear! This quote, from the above speech:

'I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, ''If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.'''

Such a funny quote. My only qualm is that I fucking love semicolons. (but I probably love Vonnegut more (edit: i still use semi-colons))

uhh...

2009-02-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

Stumbled across this website this morning. Some funny stuff, some weird stuff. My kinda steez, amirite? Also! This is a celebration! Today is my blog's very first birthday. No joke! To celebrate, I will probably not do anything! I hope you're still reading in a year.

3 songs with lyrics that may-or-may-not take themselves too seriously that i've been listening to lately

2009-02-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

The Love Language - Stars

The Love Language embrace the earnestness of pop harmonies like the Beatles, but gloss it over with distorted instrumentation like the Walkmen. This is a love song that never loses its step, just glides along at its own pace.

you bolted all your locks
just in time to hear the doorbell ring
but you can't shut out everything
oh Kathleen, I hope the stars set you free
you shot me down just as i was startin' to feel alive
little girls tell the biggest lies
it seems just yesterday we said goodbye.

Born Ruffians - Little Garcon
"This is the song I assume is playing in France all the time. French guys just tipping their berets."
-Liam Crowell

I dig this song because it's quiet, classy, and beautiful to smoke to. The vocals are endearing and this song is a great example of post-Juno (Moldy Peaches) indie pop songwriting.

I don't care just where you go
As long, as long as it's with me
I don't mind just what you do
As long, as long as it's with me, too

Well I get told to never get old
But the way it unfolds
I'm a little garcon in my head
With a little fille that's stuck in bed

Girls - Hellhole Ratrace

This song is mostly about mortality (carpe diem shit, you get the gist) and is in the same vein of distorted pop as the Love Language. The lyrics are about trying to stay young, yet age gracefully. One complaint I have is the guitar could be so much greater. A fuller guitar sound at the build-ups would greatly benifit this song.

im sick and tired of the way that i feel,
im sick of dreaming and its never for real.
im all alone with my deep thoughts.
im all alone with my heartache and my good intentions.

i work to eat and drink and sleep just to live,
feels like im never getting back what i give.
ive got a sad song in my sweet heart.
and all i really am is needing some love and attention.

Choices aren't so final

2009-02-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

It's strange how much of life is choices (that is, everything). Before doing anything we make the choice to consider it. We have to decide that it is actually something worth considering. Then comes choosing whether or not it's worth doing. We're constantly choosing because life is yes/no. We must choose the choice we want to be, then chase it. This isn't to say we need to obsess over our choices. There is an element of consideration of course, but I think what's most important is being conscious of our choices. Wonder why you're partial one way, and consider the opposite. I suppose I'm saying we should let our choices challenge us.

i wanna hang with this kid

2009-02-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

so, fuck. i fucked up my keyboard a second ago when i spilt coffee on it, and now the spacebar and the b and n and arrow keys don't work.

it's the worst. i don't know what i'm going to do. probably watch this video till it gets unfunny.

the future is robots, too!

2009-02-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across an article yesterday about a site called Band Metrics. With this tool musicians can keep track of which websites their fans use most. It also has features called trend measurement, sentiment analysis, and reputation management. These terms scare me, I think. With more scientific insight into music, there will be less sincerity. Bands will be able to easily decide what to do based on what the internet tells them is the best move.

It's not that I dislike progrress, it's that rock 'n roll is not about perfection. I don't want record companies having pie charts and diagrams that reflects me and my peers as numbers. Song-writers shouldn't try and captivate me because they've learned how, they should do it because they can. There's something special about the connection I have with a lyricist like Jeff Tweedy. He doesn't write songs because the internet says his reputation will boost 40% as a result. He writes songs because he wants to, and because he needs to. Songs probably sweat out of him at night.

At the same time, why wouldn't bands look at Band Metrics? In the end, this is a business. Some artists probably get by with enough to survive, but I'm sure most of the bands I listten to struggle to make ends meet. Sometimes you need to compromise to make some money, that's fair - I get that. My big thing is that music is not soulless, and something like "band metrics" is a totally soulless, one-dimensional, domineering, profit-reaping sham. I don't actually feel that strongly about it, but I can't say I think it's good.

R U PROFESSIONAL?

2009-02-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

Christian Bale sounds like he can be a dick some times. Case in point: freaking out at some studio guy during production of the upcoming Terminator movie and threatening to end shooting.

The audio from the freak-out leaked recently, and the Mae-Shi, an excellent party-punk band remixed it:

Christian Bale still rules, obvo.

And because I'm bored, here's a playlist of songs I like right now:

1. Handsome Furs - Evangeline
2. Iran - Flight 99
3. Poney Poney - Cross the Fader
4. Laura Marling - Shine
5. Delta Spirit - People C'Mon
6. Frightened Rabbit - Good Arms vs. Bad Arms
7. Cut Off Your Hands - Heartbreak
8. Matt & Kim - Daylight
9. Born Ruffians - Foxes Mate For Life
10. The Notorious B.I.G. - Party and Bullshit (Ratatat Remix)
*Bonus track*11. Wilco - She's A Jar

you don't have to go out

2009-02-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if there is another adjective to better describe my weekend than 'trippy'. Friday night was Tom Power's birthday, and we drank at Nick's, then went to the Capital to see Stereo Airing. Bill got wasted, then we left, and hit up Tweedsmuir for a brief period. Bill tried to serve blades, but he was too far gone.

I don't really know what to say about Saturday. I puked at the end of Tweedsmuir driveway, and listened to Springsteen in the dark, and played some Mario Kart, and walked home at 5:30.

Sunday I think I ordered floor tickets to Springsteen in Toronto on May 7th, AND I watched him perform at the Super Bowl. He was really hilarious. He opened with 10th Avenue Freeze-Out, which was awesome, and he only played a verse or so of Working on a Dream, then went in to Glory Days, which Liam and I had talked about earlier. I can't wait to see him live.

I wish I had more to say. Long day ahead, I want coffee. Also, is it wrong to think that the Ting Tings suck? I'm pretty sure I am of that opinion. Graham repped them this summer, but what is with that "that's not my name! hey! that's not my name!" song? Not fan.

tell her i can be easily found, at the darkness on the edge of town

2009-01-27T14:47:00.000-08:00

I generally have a fairly strict anti-Springsteen bashing policy, but! Lately I've been talking about how Queen of the Supermarket off his new record Working on a Dream is the worst song he has ever written.

Looks like some people agree with me.

I knew this song would be terrible when I read this interview (which is awesome), which includes Bruce saying:

MH There's a song on this album - Queen of the Supermarket - about a guy who has a terrible crush on a check-out girl. Where on earth did that spring from?

BS"They opened up this big, beautiful supermarket near where we lived. Patti and I would go down, and I remember walking through the aisles - I hadn't been in one in a while - and I thought his place is spectacular. This place is... it's a fantasy land! And then I started to get into it. I started looking around and hmmm - the subtext in here is so heavy! It's like, 'Do people really want to shop in this store or do they just want to screw on the floor?'" [laughs]

MH Sometimes it's about buying groceries, you know...

BS "But maybe... [laughs] maybe there's this other thing going on. In the States they're sort of shameless, the bounty in them is overflowing. So the sexual subtext in the supermarket; well, perhaps, it's just twisted me."

MH It must be really hard to go shopping with you.

BS "I'm telling you, it's there! So I came home, said: 'Wow, the supermarket is fantastic, it's my new favourite place. And I'm going to write a song about it!' If there's a supermarket and all these things are there, well, there has to be a queen. And if you go there, of course there is. There's millions of them, so it's kind of a song about finding beauty where it's ignored or where it's passed by."

I'm not even joking! It is literally a song written by an almost 60 year old about being in love with the girl at the supermarket. I'm embarassed by it as a Springsteen fan, almost.

On the other side of Springsteen news: Darkness on the Edge of Town is being reissued. (you'll notice, also, that article deals with Springsteen's Wal-Mart exclusive best-of disc, which is another strange example of the Boss being... lame?) For those keeping score, that is my absolute favorite Springsteen album. And they are giving it the same treatment as the 30th anniversary Born to Run from a few years ago, which means a making of DVD and concert footage from the time. That news rules because my only complaint about the Born to Run DVD is that there is nothing from Darkness. Fuck, yes.

little garcon in my head

2009-01-25T20:19:00.000-08:00

This week ruled.

On tuesday Obama became president. On wednesday Lost season 5 premiered. On thursday Wintersleep and Plants and Animals played at the SUB. On friday I did shroooms (free). Then last night was slow.

Tired, but content. Feeling a little low.

2009-01-23T12:31:00.000-08:00

Bad news for everyone: Silver Jews broke up.

I've recently been very in to Bright Flight. I totally ripped off "Death of an Heir of Sorrows," in my most recent poem - maybe you noticed! Anyway, sad news for music.

Here's a link to that song.

obama already making up for bush

2009-01-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

Is Barack Obama already the best dude ever? He can do very little wrong right now. He re-did the oath of office because the first time it got screwed up and was very serious about it. He's charismatic, cool, and actually gives a fuck. Already doing good things... Click on picture for article.

fuckin' whut

2009-01-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

I posted my Plants and Animals interview on my other blog, and I suggest you read it there because the Aquinian's version pissed me off. I'm realizing now that it's my fault, but they just cut out the last paragraph and a half so it ends on a really stupid note.

Rather than:
“It isn’t about re-creating or living up to, it’s sort of just following,” says Spicer. “It won’t be anything like Parc Avenue. Hopefully the next record will be the record that shows off the strengths we have gained. In my mind I’m hoping for a rawer, blues-y record.”

A logical ending, right? They stopped me here:
"They hope to keep at the music business for a while, play more countries, and release more albums."

I would probably not hate that sentence so much if it wasn't now the published conclusion, but shitdamn. What a stupid fucking conclusion. I'm embarassed.

100 posts!!!

2009-01-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

This is my 100th post on this blog. I wasn't sure how I would celebrate, but I will do so by pasting the message I received when I came back to my room at 3:30 last night. I was quite drunk, and didn't know what to say.

seriously ben you are the gayest little queerbait i have ever laid eyes on and i think you must be diddled in the bum at an alarming rate. also your writing is forced and i think that you should probably stick to more journalistic efforts because, to be totally honest, your poetry is fucking retarded. i mean, who really writes prose anymore? queerbaits, that's who. you need to fuck off and stop smoking so much dope, then you would make sense and maybe have a decent chance at being a good writer. and really that whole music blog thing you've been working at, i watched a kid with autism make a play dough castle and that was worth a lot more than anything you've come up with. sorry man i figured that should come out to clear the air. man while i'm being so real with you i just plain out don't like your look. you need to drop them fucking braces, sometimes you get lettuce or spices or even bread caught in them and i'm like "wtf doesn't he care about what i think of him?" and then your hair, it's like the desperate attempt of a balding man to look young again, you need to cut that shit and comb it so it looks presentable. you dress like a grade nine bisexual and your idea of facial hair is shameful. your taste in music is really shoddy, you listen to things you think are awesome because they are "indie" but really, the bands are soooo shitty that noone wants to listen to them

And that was followed by a message saying this was from Clarke (on another dawg's MSN) and that he loves me. I'd probably take it more personally if Clarke wasn't my friend closest to matching that description...

new shit

2009-01-17T07:15:00.000-08:00

Still sick. It sucks. I posted a profile of Plants and Animals on my other blog. Still sick. How many sentences until I get better? I'm not sure, but I'll be writing quick ones until then. Subject, action, noun. Yesterday was a great waste of a day. I was out of bed for probably 30 minutes all day. Still sick. I'm heavily under the influence of Tylenol. I want to see Ruby Jean & the Thoughtful Bees w/ Woodhands and A/V tonight, but I'm sick. That's going to be a good show, too. Shit. I'm almost definitely not drinking tonight. I didn't smoke anything yesterday. It's looking like that will continue today. I don't think I'm going out tonight. Still sick. Fuck.

It's 1:39 now, in the afternoon. I've had a pretty good morning. I called Gord, and then showered and cleaned my room while listening to Nebraska. I'm finishing up 3 mixes today, too. For Dan, Clarke, and Katie Roy. So far I'm happiest with the Katie Roy one. It looks like this:

1. Frightened Rabbit - The Modern Leper
2. The Notorious B.I.G - Party and Bullshit (Ratatat Remix)
3. Handsome Furs - Evangeline
4. Cut Off Your Hands - Heartbreak
5. Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele - Oh, Paris!
6. Entire Cities - Coffee
7. The Lovely Sparrows - Chemicals Change
8. Russian Red - Kiss My Elbow
9. The Walkmen - In the New Year
10. Passion Pit - Cuddle Fuddle
11. Wild Beasts - Brace Bulging Buoyant Clairvoyants
12. Jeremy Warmsley - Temptation (New Order cover)
13. The Rural Alberta Advantage - The Deathbridge in Lethbridge
14. Wakey! Wakey! - Say It Ain't So (Weezer cover)
15. Tom Waits - The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) (An Evening with Pete King)
16. Girls - Lust for Life
17. Voxtrot - The Start of Something
18. The Wave Pictures - Now You Are Pregnant
19. Laura Marling - Shine
20. Guided by Voices - The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory
21. Micah P. Hinson - At Last, Our Promises

I'm pretty sure that's done... It looks good to me. I need to finish these today before I go down to Tweedsmuir. Word.

Sometimes...

2009-01-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

...insensitivity is unavoidable. But shouldn't sincerity be in our control? I'm getting in to M. Ward... a few years late.

keeping real and growing old

2009-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess we’re never safe.
Whether it’s saran-wrapped safety traps,
or a wave of wind behind our backs.
Tonight I’ll lie in bed pondering
every eulogy I’ll have to write,
and the tears shed delivering them.
With bulls-eyes tacked to our slacks,
one-by-one God takes us back.
Damn, I thought I’d sleep a wink tonight.
And by God, I swear,
I’ll never twist a smile again
when friends answer phones –
because bitter-sweet is almost
too rare to expect.

In an alley black, we’re shooting smack
and I dreamt you were older – unchanged.Spine-hairs raising with the gaze ofsomething breathing down my neck.I thought it was the stars, but theystopped watching too long ago. There'sno use in latching on to corpses,
just spread your love in spades;
and wake me up when it’s over.
I’m still here, writing notes to myself
at 3am, and I’d say it was a ‘miracle’
if I didn’t know better.
Still, my biggest fears are heartbeats
and answers, because life ends when
they’re lost or found.

Suspiciously, God blares white noise
on a tinny FM transmitter with rabbit’s ears.
Accepting prayers through static’s sister,
from a dying addict’s whisper.
This smoke won’t put me to sleep tonight.
I just want time to inspire,
lest they bury me in black-and-white
shouting ‘don’t leave me down here.’
Nothing mutes yellow light
like the wrong side of Saturday night.
And I can’t recognize my hand-writing;
I’m not moving the pen anymore.
I’ll stay forever silent because no one
wants to know what I know:
that we, like God, are never safe.

stray cats from graham ave.!!

2009-01-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

I just watched Planet Earth on blueray at Graham Avenue. Afterwards Liam and I invited Clarke over but he had to drop a DVD off to Ian, so we walked to the bottom of Graham, where Annie lives. Liam and I waited outside while Clarke snuck in, even though there were no lights on, and he left the door open behind him. Liam and I stood and waited in the freezing cold for a few minutes when suddenly we saw a stray cat that had been running around move towards the front walk to the house. We started laughing about whether or not he could sneak in, and the cat just went straight for the door, and barged in. We laughed for a while - we didn't want to keep it out just because it probably would have frozen to death if we had left it - and then Ian came to invite us in. We came in and asked Annie if she had seen a cat in her house and she looked around for a while but could not find it. She went upstairs to see if it was around and came downstairs with a cat in her arms. It was a really funny situation, but maybe you had to be there.

P.S.!!! LAYOUT CHAAAANGE

P.P.S. Liam and I are going to bed for the first time with his record player here. We're playing track one off the only LP he owns: The Foundations' Build Me Up Buttercup. One-LP collections can't get much better than that one. After this we're going to fall asleep to Side B of Okkervil River's Down the River of Golden Dreams, and I probably couldn't be more excited.

2009-01-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

It's 12:13 on the first day of school and I am just the right kind of high. I just had religious studies, and this time I went to it! Nice. I failed that exam pretty handily. 9 1/4 out of 20. I had never gotten a quarter mark on an exam before, but I guess my prof was being pretty generous... Hey! I guess Religious studies just ain't my thing. I'll leave it to Liam.

So! This morning my alarm woke me up to the Current on CBC, which was awesome, because I hadn't set my alarm to anything in particular, I was just really high and found the first radio station that wasn't playing Nickelback, and set it to that one. Q is on at 10, too, which I want to start listening to, so everything started to click.

Q was already really interesting this morning, and it was just my first day of regular listenership (is that even possible?). They were talking to Christian Bok (two dots over the 'o'), who wrote a book of "experimental Canadian poems" called Eunoia, so named because that word is the shortest English word to include all vowels. The book is divided in to five chapters, one for each vowel. Each chapter uses the vowel from the chapter title throughout the whole chapter. It took him seven years to write this book so it didn't suck. That's a lot of effort.

Towards the end of the interview, Jian asked what the authors next project was. I have a hard time explaining it, so here is an excerpt from an interview with Toronto based paper, the Star:

Q: You mentioned Eunoia has raised the bar for you. Care to share what you're working on?

A: I am writing a poem that, through a process of encipherment, will be translated into a sequence of genetic nucleotides. The poem, with the assistance of a biologist, would then be implanted into a bacterium, replacing part of its genetic code with my poem. The organism itself would become the living embodiment of that text.

I've chosen an organism that is a very old and durable extremophile – a very tough bug, probably the most unkillable organism on the planet. Because the organism is such a durable archive, the poem would be one of the few things created by our civilization that might persist until the moment the sun explodes.

Q: Sorry, you lost me at "nucleotides." Are you having me on?

A: No, I'm not. It's a crazy idea and hard to explain in detail. That's why I've been very fallow for the last seven years. I've been working on figuring out how to make it possible. I have numerous collaborators and scientific help. It's a difficult thing to pull off. I'm trying, in fact, to write a book that will last forever.

I can't imagine even coming close to writing something this ambitious. I thought he was being ironic on the radio, but apparently he is planning on writing a poem that actually lives. And not only that, it will live on longer than the world itself. I found an online copy of Eunoia, and it's pretty impressive - it did take seven years, so... - and the repetition allows for a pretty euphonic, rhythmic sound. But it takes a certain class of pretention to decide to write a poem that will last as long as time... I think, anyway. Pretty impressive too.

Today I found out I have a pretty alright schedule. Monday is worst. I have a class at 10:30, then a break until 3:30, then a three hour marathon 7pm - 9:50 of a class. Tuesdays I just have one three hour lecture (what the fuck three hours) 2:30 - 5:20. Wednesday I just have the 10:30 and 3:30. Thursdays I have no classes! Friday I just have one at 10:30, which I will probably miss fairly frequently. I'm mostly posting this for my own reference...

Ben Ross and Ian are visiting right now! This is key. I asked all my friends who are still in school to visit today because Jordan is gone for Africa (what a saint), and Liam isn't back until tuesday, and if you're aware of my social/residence situation at all you know how lonely that leaves me. I have an english class with Andrew Titus next, though, and I'm quite excited, because I suspect it could be my favorite class of the semester. Anyway! Time to update myPod.

i missed this

2009-01-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

I don't want to smoke, but at the same time I want to smoke. Peculiar. I just spent three days not smoking and wasn't even cognizant of that fact until this very moment. I am not addicted to cigarettes, clearly. I like lighting them, dragging on them, watching them eat themselves up and burn away, the idea of them, and, usually, smoking them. But it's mostly the idea of them. If I could regulate myself to one a day I would buy a pack. It's like fucking advent calendars. Who has the patience to wait all month without skipping one day? Not me, that's for goddamn sure. Chocolate in my advent calendar, I'mma fuckin' eat it, you know what I'm saying?

And so ends another christmas break. Looking back it succeeded at being a reasonably accurate depiction of the rest of the year. It had lots of good bits - especially the CD's I listened to, Springsteen vinyl, getting books read, seeing every single one of my friends, lots of drinking, Graham! Paul! Cam!, Christmas and New Year's - but, like the rest of the year, it was lots of good things being slightly shadowed by the bad things, lurking near the surface. I received no less than three pieces of life-changing news, and though I don't think it damaged my demeanor - I think I remained reasonably chipper! - it sure seemed a whole hell of a lot like the rest of the year. Except I was living with my family.

Living with my family proved to be alright. I was around a little bit, which was apparently enough. My parents are cool, I just don't see how I am their son... but that's fine. I didn't write much, until the end, when I pushed. I want to go back to Fredericton, but it's so weird because there's a blanket over this Christmas break. It's covering my eyes, and I know when I get back to Fredericton I'm going to realize that 'yes, all those things actually did happen.' That city wasn't tainted for me before, but now I'm going back to a city with flaws. It will still be better than Saint John, though.

I wrote this on the bus from Saint John to Fredericton in mid-November, and I love that bus ride, but it always depresses me (especially when it's dark).

I will walk until my soles become unrecognizable,
like fingerprints burnt off, I need no identity.
Staring, I watched wires and where they went
until it occurred that they’re just one line.
So I left like them, to find out about circles and
skipping town. I haven’t looked back in a while,
my neck doesn’t strain that way anymore. Feels like
Plato’s cave, or a hospital bed and a bad neck brace.
I’ve found the cure for homesickness, but if you’ve
already left, then you have too. Stand still for a while
and your feet will do the running for you.
And if you have to breathe, then do it quietly, because
modernity is vicious, some might say merciless.

Someone needs to tell me if the city still breathes fire.
The crooked fangs of skyscrapers beneath their
Cyclops moon doesn’t inspire security. And the people here
still associate pillows with guns, the dark with some
where else I haven’t seen. I left my mark in a
basement once, and will the future know my face,
or my handwriting? It isn’t either / or.
Have I done anything worth remembering, or will I
die too soon to warrant worry? I asked God but he just
winked with the moon and I worried about your
mountains – are they molehills or manmade?
Like the roar of a train at night, invisible till it’s gone.

Well I haven’t met a mirror in five years so I’m
sorry if I don’t recognize you right away. And I
haven’t held a wallet since the first burnt brown.
I lost my self with it, though I’d assumed I’d pick it
up along the way. There’s not enough in that
flask to pour a puddle I could find you in. So I’m
apologies now, but there’s no sincerity in a moment,
just the opportunity to yearn for some place else.
Has this city the reach of her father? Or will I find
shelter behind borders, before she slaughters my sprit?
I’ve no allergy to apathy, just an addiction to escape.
Just know: she knows you better than yourself, and proved it.

blogging in 2009

2009-01-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

OMG it's so different here! Things are so different now! Change! Change! Change! Change! Change!

I expect a lot more from myself in terms of 2009 blogging (Operation: BLOG09!!!). I was going to get Brad Allen to show me how to host mp3's and then blog that shit and then start a music blog. Instead I started a music blog and will get Brad Allen to show me all that technoshit later.

New blog's URL is http://distortdistort.blogspot.com. I thought it was funny, but you might not. I am in school for journalism now, and I'm not doing enough to get good at that, so this is my exercise in doing that.

I've also been working on a little prose, which is laughable, and most certainly FOR MY EYES ONLY but it's good news for other's in the way that it will certainly lead to things that are not FOR MY EYES ONLY.

Anyway, I started music blog today. The name is temporary, and I want to get a few more weeks of posting in, but after that I might even try and -awwshiiiit- get other people to read it. Which probably means I will be hiding this blog in my profile. I'M JUST SO SHY, OMG. I love y'all and will hopefully see you just as frequently in '09.

i can't stand it! i caaaan't stand it!

2008-12-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

Music is so great. I just finished reading High Fidelity, so I suppose that conclusion is inevitable. It was a good book. Hornby is a funny and insightful writer, and I'm disappointed I read Long Way Down first because it's the least interesting I've read. There were a few Springsteen references, too, including Rob, the main character listing Thunder Road as one of his top 5 side one track ones of all time (which I had just been arguing was the best opening track in his catalogue days ago).

I read the first few pages of Downtown Owl last night, too. It was okay. I was really anticipating it because Klosterman is one of my favorite writers, and the novella at the end of Chuck Klosterman IV is brilliant. I wasn't that thrilled with the first few pages of Downtown Owl, though.

"His quadriceps stored enough lactic acid to turn a triceratops into limestone. 'God damn,' he thought. 'Why do I want this?' In two days the team would begin practicing in full pads. It would feel like being wrapped in cellophane while hauling bricks in a backpack."

I don't know. I don't want to say that I'm turned off by the book, but so far I've found his metaphors clunky, and they're disrupting the flow of the prose. But! I will continue, and perhaps warm up to it.

I'm gearing up for another Wilco phase. Saint John has been reppin' them pretty hard recently, and I'll admit I've enjoyed Summerteeth and Shot in the Arm quite a bit the last week. There's something about At Least That's What You Said that makes me feel quite nice inside. Hmm.

after christmas

2008-12-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

Excepting some causes of distress and unhappiness, this has been a pretty good break. Christmas treated me unusually well. I wasn't expecting much but came out with lots of good stuff. I spent some of my gift certificates today and got Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, Downtown Owl by Klosterman and the Band's DVD The Last Waltz (it inspired the Hold Steady to be a band, SOO...).

Saint John constantly chips away at my morale, though. I always feel tired, unwanted, useless, anti-social and alone when I'm here (mostly when I'm in my room, being all those things). Last night we went to the Trick, A/V, and Gary Flanagan at Melvin's, as it was a free show. Had a few beers before, and was feeling pretty decent when we arrived. Melvin's puts on a free show once a week, and though the line-up isn't usually good enough to draw me each week they tend to put on a good show every once in a while.

But I don't understand the Saint John crowds. I don't mean to sound ignorant and stuck on myself, but I just can't relate with most of the people I see. They are there dancing, and having fun, but it seems like it's in a weird way. And it feels alienating. At Melvin's I always think I recognize people I know but it's not them, and it's disappointing.

I realize this is nothing more than a mindset, and something I probably have some control over. But it's hard to come home to this. And it makes me see the divide between this city and Fredericton quite clearly. I can't wait to go back for New Year's.

it'll be a whisky christmas

2008-12-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

How did Christmas Eve happen? This is something ridiculous, I am not prepared - what?! And it's snowing again. I don't want to be some kind of a scrooge but, seriously, fuck off snow, I have to do so much more shoveling because of this shit. Fifteen people for christmas dinner? I'm probably going to figure out a way to get myself drunk, for fun. I'm also going to have to figure out how to get out of church tonight. Shitdamn, I really don't want to go to church tonight.

On the plus side it will be a gorgeous christmas. And now I have some days to do nothing but relax. This is the year I have probably been the most apathetic about giving/getting gifts. I just don't see the point so much anymore, it's just a day that causes everyone to spend absurd amounts of money. It'll just be neat to get new books or something. Maybe Gord got me booze. Probably not, though.

I don't mean to sound like I dislike christmas, because that is not the case. It's just this year more than ever I see much more merit in spending time with your family and friends rather than wasting money on stupid decorations and useless stocking stuffers you will forget about by boxing day. Shit, I sound bitter. I wonder if this blog is out-dated because it is only words. If only I had the face for a video blog. Oh well!

2008-12-22T17:27:00.000-08:00

Today really threw me off by being a pretty fucking decent day.

1) I got into journalism school.

2) I just won a copy of Bruce Peninsula's "A Mountain Is A Mouth", which actually turned out to be a digital copy, but I don't really care THAT much since all it means is I have a digital copy a month earlier than I expected, and I wouldn't have really had much use for the album copy anyway. I plan on listening all the way through when I come home tonight.

It's mostly surprising because today seemed like it was set to be a really middle of the road day. Plus I haven't really gotten any great news in a while. I had an orthodontist appointment this morning and my braces hurt to high fuckin' heaven, so I've mostly only had coffee all day.

I'm still mostly just surprised today turned out alright! Awesome!

it's alright ma

2008-12-21T19:02:00.000-08:00

I'm relapsing; falling hard on every knife. The night comes in like a whisper, and sounds like a scream. I just don't have fills for any more blanks, they've been used up. And who has found happiness where it's obsolete. There's a clock blinking to my left, and it's all I can see in the dark. I want to take a hammer to a piano, and make a mess of its music - drown out the questions that keep me up. And I'm typing too slowly to fill the page. Thoughts fall out and memories take their place, keeping me from the future. You can't move forward when time has stopped. The worst is the pre-teen sentiments. Thoughts of worthlessness breeding worthless thoughts. Then there's the tunnel; just shine a light. I'm still not at the bottom, but there's something sickly about the air here. And it drags you down. I can't do art. Just throw colors to a palette, hope one of them will stick. Just need to erase the goddamn white, because something untouched is not alive. And it won't breathe unless you make it. Last night the wolves came. And underneath the glazed moon I saw the bright yellow glare of their eyes, and it seemed like blood dripping from their fangs. I'm relapsing; falling into all these knives. Once sheathed, now shamed. And when even my words lose their sense, what will I have? I feel it coming. First the shake hit my fingers, on to the tongue. And when I have shakes in the mind, what have I left to say? Just the fear in my heart and the lock on my tongue. Goddamn. Uncertainty. I feel it coming - I don't know where this sentence will end and the next will begin. Structurally my body is a power-line. I'm not independent, just interconnected - and I might stand tall, but it's skinny, and blowing in the wind. I don't remember anything except Decembers now. It seems Blood on the Tracks is the only album I've ever listened to. Now I know I couldn't leave here if I tried, but it's different in the summer. Luckily it's cyclical - tomorrow I will start again. Another day of clarity, to be washed away in the night by my nightmares. Goddamn; I'm relapsing.

this summer

2008-12-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

No one said
a year ago,
it would become
a year a
go.
And no one knew
I’d be writing this poem
half-asleep
with my eyes closed,
dreams running past
their lids.

And I suspect
I’ll always miss
falling asleep
next to three things:
unlit cigarettes,
half-empty bottles,
and the heartbeats
I’m in love with.
Eighteen is
a stupor
of searching
for love, and
life and nothing at all.

Some day
I will write a poem
that is not about dreaming,
cigarettes, liquor, or girls.
But it will not be soon,
and it will not be this summer.
(may 25 2008)

family times

2008-12-21T14:23:00.000-08:00

I've only been in Fredericton for 16 months. 16 seems like a pretty big number, but since my whole life has been re-invented probably... three times in those 16 months, I guess I feel like it's been a lot longer.

Today I was lying in bed, not really hungover, but tired and craving a coffee (still am, actually), reading the Watchmen, and my Mom came in and got pissed at me for not spending any time with my family since I got home.

"Why do you even come back here?" she asked. "I have nowhere else to go," I said. She got mad, and I told her it seemed like she was looking for that answer. Then I reasoned that I had been in Fredericton for several days, Graham was only here for a little while, and I need to spend time with my friends when I can. It ended with me getting out of bed and helping her do christmas things.

So I helped her put up the Christmas tree. It was hard-work because the tree was basically shaped like an S, so it was slanted, and half of it was full and bushy, while the other half was bent up and patchy and probably not where the sun faced. It kept falling everywhere and we tried for a really long time to get it straight.

Gord came home after a while and told us about this tree stand that his friend from work uses that is dynamite (I accentuated his superlative). I drove Mom to Canadian Tire to buy it and we listened to 'Truthfully, Truthfully' by Joel Plaskett on the way there. She went in to buy the tree stand and suddenly I realized how long it's been since I've done anything family related with my family.

I really haven't participated in family activities for a long time, and I realized that is probably not healthy. Somehow in the 16 months I've been in Fredericton I lost the connection with my family. Whether it's because we have nothing in common (seriously) or because I'm a pretentious douchebag without a sense of family, who knows! What I realized, though, is that some sense of home is probably essential.

And that's why I didn't mind having a beer with my family. And I won't mind watching Burn After Reading with them tonight. And I'll probably go out and get drunk with Graham tomorrow night, but I'll hang out with them again this break. And it'll probably be fun. Because we may have a completely different taste in every thing, but that just means I have fun explaining stuff to them.

2008: a mix

2008-12-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

1. Girl Talk - Play Your Part
2. Cadence Weapon - Juliann Wilding
3. Lykke Li - Dance, Dance, Dance
4. Neon Neon - I Told Her On Alderaan
5. Black Kids - Look at Me (When I Rock Wichoo)
6. Okkervil River - Pop Lie
7. Plants and Animals - Bye Bye Bye
8. The Hold Steady - Constructive Summer
9. Sigur Ros - Inni Mer Syngur Vitleysingur
10. Mason Jennings - Soldier Boy
11. Why? - These Few Presidents
12. Glasvegas - It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry
13. Entire Cities - Coffee
14. Vampire Weekend - Walcott
15. Frightened Rabbit - The Twist
16. Bon Iver - Creature Fear --> Team
17. The Rural Alberta Advantage - The Deathbridge in Lethbridge
18. Chad Vangaalen - Rabid Bits of Time
*Bonus Track* Bruce Springsteen - Lost in the Flood

'Play Your Part' to open because it was my favorite opening track of 2008, on my favorite record of the year. It also starts a really poppy mix with a really poppy song. Next into Cadence Weapon because 'Afterparty Babies' is the first 2008 album I remember really liking. Tracks 3-5 are just songs I wanted to dance to this year. 'Constructive Summer' was the soundtrack to the summer, and is thus something of a centerpiece on the mix. 'Soldier Boy', like a few of the dance numbers are there for my roommate Liam. Tracks 10 on are pretty much what I liked this last semester. 'Coffee' is a love song that reminds me of Saint John. 'Walcott' is there because it is my favorite song on the Vampire Weekend album, and that band represents the most drastic shift in opinion I had in music this year. The last three songs remind me of winter and death. The Bon Iver album is all about winter. 'Rabid Bits of Time' was the closer on Vangaalen's 'Soft Airplane' album and I thought it summed up my thoughts about mortality, and uncertainty well enough to finish this mix. The bonus Bruce track is just because it wouldn't make sense for me to make a 2008 mix without Springsteen. The guy had the biggest impact on my music taste this year - it was awesome.

saint john

2008-12-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

i wish this were Brooklyn.
those skyscrapers could be the soundtrack
to something lovely and tragic.
i just want to be depressed in
a city I'm not used to.
if i could just wait three months i'd
see something worth seeing
but it's the waiting and the watching
that's the worst and
once it's done it'll be like nothing, o
irony. but, there's something
intrinsically simple (horribly wrong)
about the winter, and it's falling worse
this year than last,
but I've 'Blood on the Tracks' and
a cough worth keeping.
i have the days, now, and
something worth reaching for.
reach slowly, but live it out
and there's something I'll
do again, if it's worth it or not.

i need company, i need human heat

2008-12-18T17:19:00.000-08:00

My roommate from first year is still living in the room we shared. He has the exact same taste in movies, music and books. The only noticeable changes I see in his life over the past three years is moving from Miramichi to Fredericton and breaking up with his long-term girlfriend.

Maybe a fear of stagnancy is behind all of us who keep moving. I've walked miles further in the last 18 months than I thought my feet could travel. It seems to me that there are two ways to grow up.

Some people have already figured it out. They know what they can do, what they like, and what they want to do. They are the ones who marry their high-school girlfriends, and never cut their hair differently, and don't ever leave the country they were born in. This isn't necessarily a problem, I suppose. I have friends who've figured it out, and I'm happiest for them. It's brilliant to know where it'll all end.

There is also a road of self-discovery. Ultimately, the goals are the same. But some of us aren't meant to follow the path of least resistance. These are the people who constantly challenge their tastes, opinions and habits. They probably see the world like a blanket, and realize they barely amount to a single thread. And the universe is a sea of blankets, and the earth is one - but how big or how small? What I'm saying is, this is the method that encourages mistakes, pitfalls, and complete re-inventions. It's random, spastic and weird, completely undependable, but it's fun, and it teaches and you grow.

It's begun to amaze me the way people grow both ways. I have friends who simply couldn't live like I do - week to week, undecided about the next few months, myriad drug and alcohol related occurrences. And then I have friends who don't have or want or care to plan the next few months. They will come and we will get by it (we always do).

And you can walk any way you like; though who you like won't always be there. Faces age and loyalties tire and opinions harden and hands shake, now. This week I shed tears watching my friends grow up, get old, and die inside. I used to think I'd grow up, bearing the secrets of my friends, but now I'm seeing them wither. I've been near the bottom of bottles all winter, but now I think I'm falling in, and I can't swim like I used to.

the boss

2008-11-12T12:31:00.000-08:00

I should be doing work, but instead I wanted to blog about how great Bruce Springsteen is.

Bruce Springsteen is SO GREAT. Really, though:

Streets of Fire (1978):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EHG3PuXpF0

Lost in the Flood (1975):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_h4jxXPENU

I'm on Fire (1985):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJQgwqojirs

I could go on. I would kill to have seen Springsteen perform anytime before 1986. Think about how great his discography was at that point! He kicked so much ass in the 70's it's almost ridiculous. Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J., Born to Run and Darkness on the Edge of Town are all such good albums GODDAMN.

too much to dream

2008-11-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

Lately I find myself lying in bed with my chest aching and my lungs confined for hours without sleep. Now I wonder about people and where they disappear, with time, and if they found their voice first, and was it easy. And death is so fascinating, so wildly unpredictable, and it scares. We're not so young anymore, I told myself, but are we? Twenty years from now I will have the answer, whether it's from the grave, or in the study of my house, or in wealth, or at my daughter's first dance recital, or at the end of a pack of cigarettes. So I'll keep scribbling in the sand, trying to prove something, something simple like - "hi, I existed, and it wasn't for long, but I tried, I think."

2008-10-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

The problem with blogging is that it doesn't necessitate listening to the Boss, and also, too many expectations.

I will dictate the thousand mile parade.

And I will chase the clouds across the sky,
choose the cadence of the concrete
(though it may not be so kind)
and connect the cities like constellations.

Wander on black-top / ponder on roof-tops.
I will make love to my notebook,
then fall for the static of silence.

In the mute light of the road at night
I will find the distinction in
lost skins, blood kin, and skeleton.
Then travel back again.

Well, we’re all our own universes.
Like flowers in a garden;
half-dead or half-dying:
I feel like I’m waiting on closed doors.
Kept in ’cause the world’s been made too full
and they’re trying to give us room.

funny things that happened at the cafeteria yesterday:

2008-10-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

So yesterday at around 5:30 I was in line at the grill with Jordan, wearing my Cadence Weapon shirt (who I am seeing tomorrow night!!), waiting for my Chicken Quesedillas to be made. After Jordan gets his food and walks away the cook walks over to me, looks awkwardly and intently at my shirt, and says, "what's that say? Candace? Weapon?" I was a little taken aback at the time, but catching myself quickly I responded, "Cadence Weapon... he's a musician." He stared for another couple seconds then said
"What's that on the bottom?"
"It says 'Swim Starks, Sharks'"
"So... is he Jamaican?"
"...No?"
"Rastafrian?"
"No..." (this is when I realized he's staring at the graphic, which is a picture of Ghostface Killah dressed as a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder) "That's just a picture of Ghostface Killah from the Wu-Tang Clan."
"Who?"
THEN, the lady beside me, who hasn't said shit the whole conversation stares directly at me and says, (I'm going to spell it like she pronounced it):
"Woo-tawn?"
So I looked her up and down, pretty depressed after all this, but I had finally gotten my Chicken Quesedillas, and I corrected her and walked away.

That was incident one. The quesedillas were fucking awful, (the cafeteria is crap compared to last year) so I went back for some fries after. I walked up to the grill, all confident, and looked the lady (not the same man as before) straight in the eye and said:

"I'll have an order of small chips please!"
"Small fry?"
"Err... uhh... yeah! Uhh... small.. fry...." (embarassed face)

Since when do I call french fries 'chips'? They don't even say that in Skins, and that's my only British influence right now. Weird.

2008-10-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'm never safe.